Dating a Married Man

DATING A MARRIED MAN

By: A Reader Named Alex

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS POST CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE. IF YOU’RE EASILY OFFENDED, GO AWAY.

 

LOVE.

Yes, love, which; in my eyes, is the world’s greatest obsession.

To me, love is born out of a pure desperate fantasy to find our place in a world of fast rising talents and faster falling stars. Some people call it romance, bliss, or some other kind of blush inducing nonsense. Regardless of what you want to call it… to me, it’s just a whole bunch of hormones kicking into one another while dressed up in some happily-ever-after self created delusion born out of the fear of being alone.

That all being said though, I am quite cynical when it comes to love. So, regardless of what I’ve just mentioned; I’m still up for it if it smacks me right in the face.

Unfortunately, love isn’t something to be bought at a store or shipped over through the mail at the click of a button. Unfortunately, in my 20+ years of life, I still haven’t found the one I can call my love. At least, I hadn’t until “that one guy” came into my life. Unfortunately,  right when I’d thought I’d found “the one”… he was a married man who pulled me along on a string of lies.

How it all started

I used to work for a large online fulfillment service whose name I’ll keep hush-hush about just to avoid anyone getting hurt (and myself in trouble) about the company being brought up.

Anyway, working with the company was…meh. Do this, do that, blah blah blah. By all respects, it was pretty much as “normal” a job as any. 

Despite the company dealing with “fulfillment”, it wasn’t a very fulfilling place to work at. But, hey, it paid the bills.

……….

During my breaks, I would often head down from the office building to go to Jollibee (a very popular Filipino fast food company) and grab some food.

When I went for my meals I would often run into this guy while in line who, despite the fact we’d never actually spoken to one another, I knew definitely had a thing for me. How did I know? Well… let’s just call it instinct.

……….

On a day much like any other, I went down from the office building and went to Jollibee to buy food like I’d done a thousand times before. Thankfully, the line wasn’t very long so I’d only waited about 2 or 3 minutes before my turn came up.

After placing my order, I looked around to find a seat and (I’ll admit it) check if “my guy” was in the store. As luck would have it, I didn’t have to look very far as I saw him sitting alone with a burger in his hand looking right at me. Right then and there, my heart stopped while my body went stiff. I didn’t know how to respond so I quickly turned around like a hurling tornado and nearly tripped on my own foot.

When my order was called, I went up to the counter to get it and quickly ran off into a corner to eat my food. By this point, I’d felt like I’d won the lottery because of the fact that some hottie was staring daggers into my soul. My blood was racing around my body at a thousand miles a minute. It was ridiculous!

After my meal, I went over to the MRT (Metro Rail Transit) station to head home. While waiting, I stood by a set of stairs to have a cigarette. About 5 minutes after I got to the station, ma man came along to the station while clearly looking for someone.

As more and more people came to the station, I lost track of him in the crowd of people. *Sigh*. What a disappointment.

……….

When I got home, I did what any other millennial would do and passionately scrolled through Facebook looking for something to ease the silence inside my house.

After who knows how long, I must have fallen asleep with my phone in hand (again) as I remember being woken up by a thundering “PING” sound. Being a light sleeper, the sound woke me up like a startled cat.

Having noticed I’d fallen asleep, I decided to head to bed and didn’t mind my phone as I was too tired to care at this point. Getting to my room, I placed my phone on my bed side table to charge and snuggled into the arms of pure bliss– my bed, of course. Right as I was about to fall back into a state of hibernation, I heard several “PING” right after the other.

Wondering what was going on so late at night, I finally checked my phone and saw that some guy had sent me a friend request and a couple of messages. Opening up the messages, I looked at his profile picture and just froze. 

WHAT THE HELL. ISN’T THIS MY MAN? I thought.

After I noticed who it was, I waited about 10 minutes before even accepting his friend request just to not seem so desperate (I know, I’ve got skills). Anyway, after that, we chatted about a bunch of random shit that honestly I couldn’t care less about. All that mattered to me at that point was that this man was HELLA into me. Though, it was a little weird that he found out who I was without knowing anything about me.

So, I asked him how he’d found me and long story short: he basically looked at a bunch of photos on Facebook that tagged the Jollibee we frequented until he found me. Even with the explanation I still thought it was a little weird but what the hell, I was like “aight– you hot, who cares”.

For the rest of the night, we just kept talking about random shit on Facebook until he asked me out (FUCK  YES!).

The meet

That fucker stood me up. Well, at least, I thought he did.

See, we scheduled our first date to be at a coffee shop and after I’d been waiting inside the store for at least an hour– I decided to head home. Right when I stood up from my seat though, as if part of some cliche soap opera scene, J walked in and rushed towards me while saying something along the lines of “Sorry I’m late, I was with a client.” to which I replied “That’s okay”. Talk about dramatic timing.

After a quick chat, we ordered a couple of drinks and went back to our table to talk. We talked for 2 hours before even getting up again to walk around. Honestly, those 2 hours just felt like 2 minutes.

By the time we walked out, it was super dark out. We changed venues and went to a restaurant where we talked about our hobbies, goals, love, and a whole bunch of other stuff like our families. We even talked about sexual orientation and how he considers himself bi-sexual.

He also told me that he has a kid (shocker) and that he used to have a wife but they’d since broken up (perfect).

As the night went on, we kept talking about how awkward it was during all those times we used to look at each at each other inside our Jollibee without even actually talking.

……….

At the end of our date, we had an argument about who was paying for the bill. I’m a strong independent man, like hell you’re gonna pay for me– is what I first thought. But, I eventually caved in after he kept on insisting and just let him pay for the meal. Chivalry ain’t dead… good to know.

After the meal, he said he was driving me to my house and I agreed since it was pretty late at this point and I felt like I could trust him.

About 10 minutes away from my house, I told him to just drop me off on the side since I was sure my family would have teased me if they saw me getting dropped off by this gorgeous man. After I told him that, he pulled over but didn’t agree to me walking the rest of the way since it was as pitch black outside. So, we had another “argument” until this time, he caved and agreed to me walking the rest of the way only if I kept him on the phone so he could hear everything going on.

Needless to say, I was touched and tried to get out of the car but I couldn’t since the doors were locked.  “J, would you unlock the door please.” I said. (I didn’t have any lock controls on my side of the car.)

For a while, there was just silence and he didn’t reply but instead just looked into my eyes and said “Alex, I know it’s only our first date but I know you’re the one. My end all, be all.”. I was startled and quickly came to a conclusion “WOW, WOW, WOW! STOP! I’m not ready for marriage yet!” to which he laughed after a short pause as if he’d been caught off guard. J then told me “Silly, I’m not asking to marry you. I’m just saying I want you to be mine.”.

Could it get any more dramatic? Well, it did as I told him “I’m already yours.”.

Honestly, I felt like puking at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t grossed out or anything; I just felt like puking because of how I stupid felt for jumping to conclusions.

When I finally got home, I thought to myself “YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS SO CORNY! WHAT, I’M ALREADY YOURS! UGHH.” as I leaned against my door while sitting on the floor. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and just jump into it before having someone bury me alive.

The pull

After several months went by, J and I got to the point where I’d often be heading over to his apartment. His apartment pretty much just had the bare necessities and not much else. 

When I first went over to his apartment, I asked him why he didn’t have any pictures of his kid and he told me that he ordered a new special frame or something online so all the photos were sent to some shop. Hearing his response, I paid it no more mind and just went along on my way.

Side note: You betta know we had a whole lot of fun at his apartment and damn was it great.

We’d often be drinking beers together and going out to raves and clubs to dance. A lot of the time, we’d be sleeping in each other’s arms and waking up with smiles all over our faces.

A few more months went by and J told me he had to head off to Cebu. He said he wanted to go and see his son before school started and also to see his parents who live in the mountains. I asked him how long he’d be gone and he just said “I shouldn’t be long, maybe just a few days or so. After all, I have to get back here to be with you.” and then gave me a quick kiss that made me feel as happy as any could be.

……….

About a week or so after J told me about his trip, he went off on his way to Cebu. During the time he was away, I felt pretty lonely. Though, I did have my family and friends around me but it just didn’t feel the same. Noticing my loneliness, I thought back to how far I’d come in no more than 10 months.

I used to be a guy who believed with every inch of his being that love was just a fantasy. After meeting J, though, I turned into one of Cupid’s most loyal servants.

……….

Over the course of our relationship, I’d gotten into the habit of writing J long messages about what he meant to me. I’d often write about how happy I was to have finally found the right guy and how perfect he made my life feel. Those messages would then often receive responses from J about how much I also meant to him and how he was so happy to be with me.

Basically, we acted like teenage virgins and kept sending each other a million “XOXO” messages.

While I was writing one of my many messages, I received a text from an unknown number that made me just made me want to puke. This time, however, it wasn’t because of happiness that I wanted to puke but how lost and confused I was about the situation.

Honestly, it felt like my hear was beaten into a pile of mush.

Back to square one

“This is J’s wife you little son of a bitch! How dare you lure my husband into being with your gross little ass. Aren’t you ashamed of being someone’s mistress!? You must have been enjoying his cock and all the money he spent on you! I can’t believe he’s having an affair with a low life like you! I’ve read all your messages so don’t even bother trying to cover it up. Aren’t you feeling guilty about ruining my family! WE HAVE A SON FOR GOD’S SAKE! You home wrecker! I love J and I know he was just being pulled along by you, you slut! You better stay away from my man and stop playing your little mind games on him, bitch!” is what the message said.

I’m sorry, what? His wife? What the fuck!

From just the first 4 words my heart had already leaped right out of my chest and I felt like I was breaking into a million pieces. By the time I’d gotten to the end of the message, it felt like a hundred years had passed and I noticed tears falling from my eyes like torrential rain.

In shock and denial, I kept forcing myself to believe that this must have been just a prank by one of his friends while they were out for drinks or something. So, I called J over and over only to reach his voicemail for the dozenth time. Despite all of the missed calls, I kept calling and calling until my phone died and I just collapsed onto the floor.

When I’d finally woken up from my stupor, I noticed my stomach growling like an angry lion. Clearly, it had been several hours since I’d passed out as I wouldn’t have been this hungry otherwise.

3 days go by from the time I received that bitch’s text and I’d still keep on calling J over and over to no avail. All I remember during those 3 days was that I had barely eaten and hadn’t showered until I was pestered by my family to take a bath because I started smelling like 100,000 sweaty armpits.

3 more days went by and still not a word from J.

Another 2 more days passed until I got a call from an unknown number. Thinking it was a telemarketer, I declined the call only to have the number call back right after. I declined again but the number just called right back. Having had enough, I angrily answered the call and said “WHAT DO YOU WANT! STOP CALLING ME, I’M NOT BUY-“

“It’s J, Alex, can we talk?” and typical of me, I froze once again and just stood in a daze while the edges of my eyes moistened.

“Alex?”

“What do you want?” I said while in tears.

“Baby, I know I wasn’t able to update you and I’m sorry about that! My ex-wife stole my phone while I was playing with our kid in the play pen and I thought I dropped it somewhere. My son just told me he saw a phone that looks exactly like mine in his mom’s room and said it was funny that his mom bought a new phone that looks like mine. If he hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have gotten my phone back from that crazy psycho.”

….

“Alex?”

“J…”

“Yeah?”

“…You know I love you right?”

“Of course! I know you love me, I love you too!”

“Then, why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not lying to you! I promise! Let me prove it to you. I’m back in town so let’s meet up at our Jollibee.”

After a long time I hesitantly said “Okay. I’ll see you there.”

After finally seeing J again, I pretty much just blacked out and I barely remember anything about what happened after. I do, however, remember that we went back to his apartment like old times and just laid in bed staring at one another.

“J, tell me honestly. Are you cheating on your wife?”

“Ale-“

“J, the truth please.”

“I- look, at first I just wanted to be friends and never meant to hurt you! I’m sorry for everything that’s happened. I am still technically married to her but she means nothing to me! Baby, listen to me!”

At those words, I felt another piece of me just crumbling apart like a sand castle to a wave. After our chat, he gave me a big and tight hug while in tears but I was in too much pain to care. So, I got up after he finally let me go and walked away. 

After all that, I’d sometimes see him on the street by “our Jollibee” and I’d quickly run away in the other direction. Even to this day, every time I see him, I just run away from him as if he’s the embodiment of the great plague.

If you’ve gotten this far, you might be wondering “What the hell, that’s it?”. Well, yea. No crazy psycho business like me going to find his wife and throwing rocks at her or setting his apartment on fire. What I did do instead, was go back to square one about my belief on love and build a wall a mile high around my heart. After all, I’m not a crazy idiot that wants to go to jail. I am, however, a crazy idiot that fell in love with a married man and ignored all of the signs that things were a bit off.

Moral 1 of the story: It’s often hard to see properly when you’re madly in love. Take the time to see things from another perspective and just see whether the person you think you know has anything to hide from you. If you find nothing out of the ordinary, at least now you know where your insecurities are so you can talk to your partner about them.

Moral 2 of the story: If you find your partner is cheating on you, don’t fucking do anything crazy that’ll land you in a whole lot of trouble.

– Alex

 

 

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